The Ghosts of June Present: 2016 Edition

It seems there's always something to worry about, isn't there? Worrying is one of those very human traits that we just can't seem to get rid of.

At about this time a year ago, I wrote a post about the random worries I'd been plagued with in the past, and how insignificant they seemed from where I was standing in June 2015.

Well, now that another year has gone by and June 2016 is over and done with, I feel like it might be nice to continue the trend of laughing at my silly past self. She wasted so much time worrying about such insignificant things that turned out just fine!  I'd also like to provide fodder for my future self to do much the same. I'll always have worries, but knowing that future me will be here laughing at them at this time next year (or in five years, or ten...) makes them seem less scary in the present, and it's always nice to be reminded of that.

So, Future!Alisa and Past!Alisa, this one's for you.

At this time last year, I was just about to leave Europe for the last time and make the big move back to the United States, for good. Understandably, I was rather nervous about this. I had no job lined up and no idea where I really wanted to live. I also had next to no money, and I was craving the stability that I'd been without since I'd moved away from home eight years before. These last two things, in particular, set the stage for where I find myself now, in June 2016. So did my worries about being jobless and homeless come true?

2016

I have just finished my first year as a Spanish teacher in my hometown in the States, and I'm currently on summer break. I'm spending my time planning a big trip to a new area of the world for me--Oceania! I'm very excited to finally be traveling abroad again after almost a full year of not leaving the USA. If I were to tell my teenage self that not quite ten years after making my great escape into the big wide world, I would find myself living not only in the town where I was born but also in the very house where I grew up, she would probably cry out in disbelief. Yet here I am. While it's never where I'd have pictured myself in a million years, I have to admit that it's not all that bad. A year ago I was craving stability, and it turns out that stability DOES feel really good. Having a steady job and not having to constantly stress about money is nice! Am I rich? No. Do I want to live in my parents' house forever? No way. But this year of being able to see my family and old friends whenever I want and not having to worry about moving halfway across the world or searching for a job was good for me, I think. This is the first summer in ten years that I haven't had to move myself and all my belongings between 2100km and 6700km (1300 and 4100 miles) across land and sea. Not having that kind of stress in my life has been really calming. While I'm still bursting at the seams with wanderlust, knowing that I have a steady home and job to come back to makes the idea of traveling seem more like fun and less like work!

Struggles: Trying to plan a long vacation in some of the more expensive countries in the world without spending ALL my savings, making new lesson plans for next year that improve upon those from this year (and they say that teachers have the whole summer off, pfft)

Fears: That I will crash into another car while trying to drive on the WRONG side of the road in Australia or New Zealand and kill someone à la Matthew Broderick except that I am NOT Ferris Bueller and will most certainly go to jail for my crimes (paranoid much?), that I will never meet an interesting gentleman caller in my tiny hometown where most people my age are married and/or do not share my main passions in life (namely, travel and foreign cultures)

Hopes for the next year: To find a way to move out on my own again, to join clubs and activities where I will meet interesting people in my town and make some new friends, to practice my foreign language skills more so they don't atrophy

So there we have it, the ghosts of June Present: 2016 Edition. I'm just as much of a worrywart as ever, but I also feel more equipped than ever to handle my problems with aplomb. For most of these issues, I know the solutions, I just have to find the right time and place to employ them. It's certainly easier than facing the great wide unknown. What a relief!

Snapshots of Autumns Past and Autumn Present

I've already talked in here about how overly interested I am in autumn colors. Even though those are totally gone here now, I haven't quite gotten over wanting to look at them. The other day, while looking at old photos, I kept going back to the ones that featured beautiful fall scenes in various places I've been in the world, and I really wanted to share (mostly because my wanderlust is pretty epic right now and the only cure seems to be reminding myself of my awesome past travels). But since there are so many lovely autumn vistas from such different points in time, with about a million stories to go along with them, I started to feel overwhelmed about trying to write a blog post that could do them all justice! As I just don't have the ganas to do that at the moment, and since I'd also like to give an idea of how my life is going right now, I'm just going to let you all look at the pretty fall pictures while I give a written snapshot of my lately.

Bermeo, Basque Country (Spain)

Recently, I've been:

Reading: El Príncipe Caspian (Prince Caspian), of the Narnia series, en español. I read all these books when I was a kid and really loved them, so when I found a copy of one in Spanish at the local used bookstore, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to relive old times while also brushing up on my castellano (necessary now that I'm a Spanish teacher)! I don't get a lot of other opportunities to stretch my Spanish vocabulary these days, so I'm glad I'll always have books to help me out.

Somewhere in the Highlands (Scotland)

Listening to: I'm almost embarrassed to admit this...the Frozen soundtrack, en français. What, it's empowering to sing along to Liberée, delivrée as I drive to work, and at least I'm not forgetting all the French I once knew! Can't help being a #languagenerd4life (plus, you know, a regular nerd as well).

Denali National Park, Alaska (USA)

Worrying about: How to get good, cheap health insurance in the States. I know this sounds like an oxymoron, but after living in Europe for 5 years I've become used to not paying an arm and a leg to maintain my health. This is one of the things that drives me craziest about America, that nobody seems to have figured this out here yet. Yes, Obamacare is trying to make things better, but even that is confusing and kind of a mess. Help?

Vigo, Galicia (Spain)

Trying to: Properly equip myself for the coming winter. I have to spend several hours outside every day now for work, and while we've had suerte with the weather so far, the forecast says it may snow sometime in the next week. On the one hand, YAY pretty snow, on the other, OH NO I don't have any good boots and wet frozen feet are the worst. Boo.

Stratford-Upon-Avon (England)

Watching: Jane the Virgin. The reintroduction of Netflix into my life has brought a sudden burst of knowledge about currently popular TV shows. While in Europe, I barely watched TV and never had any idea about what the good new shows were, but now that I'm back and consumerism has invaded my life, I've become addicted to shows like Jane the Virgin. I feel both silly that I'm so into a dramatic telenovela and at the same time completely invested in what crazy incidents next week's show will bring. At least one of the characters only speaks in Spanish, so I'm technically practicing?

Bayona, Galicia (Spain)

Eating: Kielbasa. I've been very into Polish things lately, after my second visit to the country this past summer. It was a nice way to connect with my roots, as I, like so many Illinoisians, have a certain amount of Polish ancestry. Since that is a common ethnicity in this area, there are a fair number of traditional Polish goods in the grocery stores here. So I've been stuffing my face to my heart's content with kielbasa (Polish sausage) and not thinking twice about it.

Porto (Portugal)

Craving: real bread, good coffee, tortilla española, crunchy müesli, and a million more things! There is just nowhere around here that can make a baguette that tastes anything like actual bread. American sliced bread is just so...sugary! I'd really love a crusty slice of fresh warm baguette with some beurre salé spread on top. Oh, that's another thing...good butter! We always want what we can't have, I know. Last year at this time I desperately wanted a piece of real deep-dish pizza. Now all I can think about is quality European food made with fresh ingredients. C'est la vie. 

Cañones do Sil, Galicia (Spain)

Missing: My friends over on the other side of the pond. I have good friends here too, of course, but a lot of Americans just don't identify with my stories about voyaging through Europe and speaking foreign languages, and I miss seeing the people that I shared good times with over there. I don't know when I'll be back on that continent again, unfortunately, but maybe I can convince some of them to come visit me over here?

Reykjavik (Iceland)

Wishing: I could figure out how to validate my Master's from abroad in the United States. I swear to god, if this process were any less organized or streamlined, I would think I was back in Spain! None of it makes any sense and every time I try to figure anything out I get super overwhelmed by the inconsistent and unclear information and have to stop before I start hyperventilating. Fun fun.

Saint-Malo, Bretagne (France)

Planning: Some fun personalized gifts for Christmas. Yes, already! Creating interesting gifts takes time, and I am nothing if not a perfectionist. I just hope I can get them all done before the big day. Only 38 days to go!

Munich, Bavaria (Germany)

Grateful: I have my family around to support me during this transition period. Without them, I'd be in serious trouble, so I can't thank them enough for helping me get on my feet while I adjust to being back in the States.

Munich, Bavaria (Germany)

Waiting for: The pretty snow to come and cover up all the ugly bare trees and dead grass. Yes, the snow will be cold and wet and a pain to clean off my car before work in the dark, but it will improve the outdoor aesthetic so much! Plus, then it'll be possible to go snowboarding and make snowmen and all those other wonderful winter activities!

Passau, Bavaria (Germany)

Excited about: A Thanksgiving trip to visit my sister in West Virginia. Of course, I've been there many times before, but I'm really excited to have a chance to do even the most miniscule amount of traveling. It will be so nice to break routine for a few days and see some new scenery, as well as spend time with family!

Salzburg (Austria)

Loving: Having access to a car again. Freedom! It's so wonderful to not have to beg your friends to take you places, or try to figure out cheap public transportation options to get anywhere, or walk dozens of kilometers with heavy groceries in hand.

Neuschwanstein Castle, Bavaria (Germany)

Wanting: A new camera. I'm thinking about finally taking the plunge and buying myself a nice DSLR camera sometime soon, once I save up enough money. I'm excited to play with all the fun settings and to finally be able to take the pictures I've been trying to force my point-and-shoot to take for years!

El Escorial, Madrid (Spain)

Hoping: I can squeeze some more travels in sometime between now and the end of May (when the school year finishes). I spend half my time nowadays drooling over other people's travel pictures, and I feel like if I don't get out somewhere new in the next few months, I'll burst!

Phoenix, Arizona (USA)

Feeling: Saddened by all the violence happening lately around the world. While it's hard to imagine terrorists attacking France, a country so near to my heart, it is also hard to know that there are other attacks every day around the world being ignored by the media. It's also scary to think that all this terrorism may only beget more violence and retaliations, more families torn apart, more blood thoughtlessly shed. I wish it were easier for us as humans to overcome our differences in race, religion, language, and nationality. I wish it were easier to forgive the mistakes of the past. But I fear that things may only get worse, and that makes me very sad.


How is your lately?

In Which I Am Mildly Obsessed With Fall Colors

One of the things I really missed while I was living in Spain was experiencing four distinct seasons a year. Everywhere I lived, there seemed to be only two seasons--summer and winter, with hardly a buffer in-between. And while spring and fall did exist there, I never noticed them as much as I did when living in the United States. I think part of missing fall had to do with the absence of leaves turning--in Spain, many trees are trimmed of leaves before they have a chance to fall, so I didn't get to experience those bright reds, oranges and yellows that I craved.

Have I mentioned yet how much I love bright colors? I mean, I know I'm not the only one to get excited about the leaves turning and it being FALL and PUMPKINS etc etc. But I think my interest in pretty autumn leaves may be slightly beyond that of a normal person...i.e. in the past few weeks I've gone on multiple bike rides PER WEEK out into the countryside with the express purpose of photographing fall leaves. And while this is really great for my physique, I fear that it may also be bordering on mild obsession.

But hey, instead of putting it that way let's just say that I'm gaining a passion for bike riding and photography! And while I ignore the fact that there is at least one person I can think of out there picturing me almost swerving into traffic and swearing at cars in French because I was a typical gas-guzzling American who hated sustainability and exercise and hadn't ridden a bike since I was 10 years old was unused to biking as a serious means of transportation, let's check out some of the photos I was so excited about taking!

Luckily, we've had quite the Indian summer this year, so I had a lot of sunny days to go out on my bike. As I write this, we're in the middle of a week of weather in the 70's F (mid-20's C) in November, which is insane for this part of the country. When I was a kid, we always used to have to go trick-or-treating in snowpants! I came back here to get to experience seasons again, and I am confused. What is happening to the fall chilliness? El Niño and global warming, I'm looking at you! I guess I'm not complaining, due to weirdly being now more used to crazy heat than crazy cold due to my time in Madrid, but still...this is strange. 

Also luckily, there is a nice bike trail that runs near my house, so going out involves neither dangerous traffic nor swearing! I have to say, I'm immensely grateful for that, because I am still not the steadiest person on a bike. Let's just say that trying to take pictures of leaves while still riding was not my brightest idea ever. #fail

And in case you're wondering, no, none of the photos featured here are my taking-photos-while-riding-and-almost-falling-off-my-bike-into-a-ravine ones. I'll just keep the atrociousness of those photos to myself, thank you very much! I have learned my lesson--first stop the bike, then take pictures.

Another thing I have to say I'm happy about is to even have access to a bike again, after so many years with only my own two feet as my main means of transport (even if my awkwardness+a bike is just a recipe for disaster). It's kind of crazy how excited I get about little things like having my very own bike to go places with, but I marvel at just how much further I can get in such a short amount of time on a bicycle. Silly? Yes. But still true. 

The last of the pretty leaves are just about to fall off the trees, so soon my commute to work in the morning will be that much less interesting, AND I'll have one less excuse to get out and exercise (as if freezing temperatures, snow, and the sun setting by 5 pm weren't reasons enough to stay inside getting fat all winter long). If you couldn't tell, I'm feeling rather sad that autumn is on its way out and winter is knocking at our doors. I haven't had a real winter in over 4 years, and I'm just sliiiightly apprehensive about once again dealing with ice and snow and temperatures of -25ºC (-10ºF). And did I mention living in near-constant darkness due to the sun setting so early? Damn you, daylight savings time!

It looks like today was probably the last "nice" day of the year, so I've got to get used to more grey skies and try to get myself amped up about the nice things about winter (that I actually do love), like snow angels and sledding and snowboarding and ice skating. I've just been spoiled by these nice temperatures, and did I say already that I'm not used to the cold anymore? Even on these 70ºF (20ºC) days, I have this compulsion to wear a light jacket, and my fellow Americans think I'm nuts. Maybe I've been around Spanish people too long and feel that I must dress for the season rather than the actual weather? Or maybe I'm just paranoid about getting cold since it happens to me so easily. Clearly, this bodes well for the winter ahead.

Whatever my issue is, get used to the cold and dark and ice and snow I must, and so I will (try)! 

But that doesn't mean that I can't return to look at these pretty fall photos every once in awhile to remind myself of beautiful bright-colored leaves seen on sunny days from my precarious perch atop my bike.

¡Feliz otoño a todos!

Alisathome Answers Travel Questions

In all honesty, I've thought a lot about laying this blog to rest over the past few months. After all, I'm no longer abroad, so it seems a little silly to keep writing in a blog called Alisabroad. Wouldn't a more appropriate name be Alisathome?

Alisathome's adventures are a bit more *ahem* tame...like exercise in the woods!

If I'm no longer an expat having international adventures, how can I maintain a blog devoted to them? Is there really any point in trying? Mightn't it be better to just give up? Wouldn't I seem like a fraud?

And yet, it seems a shame to just abandon something that I've been working on for over 6.5 years, especially when I feel like I had just been starting to find my voice and connect with other people.

But if I were to decide to keep writing, about past adventures, about potential future adventures, or even about life in the United States (which I do realize, IS 'abroad' for most of the world, and still feels pretty damn foreign to me after all these years away), I'd have to first get over something. For the past few months, I've been continually wrestling with that mean little voice in the back of my head that says "You're not that good of a writer anyway. Quit bothering people with your whiny expat stories, because no one wants to hear your humblebragging. That life is over now. Get used to it."

On the best of days, that voice is no more than an annoying whisper that I can easily tune out. But when I'm feeling low and not sure that the decisions I've made were the right ones, it screams in my ear with force enough to knock me off my feet.

And lately, that terrible voice has been roaring at me with gale force winds, and I've spent most of my time falling arse over teakettle, trying desperately to stand back up again and usually failing.

Is it any surprise, then, that I haven't had the courage to blog about my transition back to living in the United States? That I abandoned my resolution to blog once a week, every week, all year long? That instead I haven't written in over four months?

And to be honest, I could have just slunk away quietly and pretended that this blog had never existed, that I didn't care about giving up on it entirely. But instead, I'm dragging myself back up and writing this right now because I have the support of some great friends. I can't pretend to be that wonderful of a long-distance friend (or in-person one, for that matter), as I continually forget to respond to emails and texts for weeks at a time and get so wrapped up in my own stuff that I don't reach out to people when I should.

Luckily, not everyone out there is like me. I have some wonderful friends who won't let me fall off the radar, accidentally or otherwise, and for that I am so grateful. There have been numerous lovely people reaching out to me while I've been burrowed away in my little personal cocoon these last few months, but there is one in particular to thank for my trying blogging again, and that's Linda from Indie Travel Podcast.

Me and Linda at about this time last year

Linda was one of my work buddies last year in Alcalá de Henares, and I was delighted the day that I learned that she and her husband Craig were travel bloggers, like me! Of course, their podcast is all, like, famous and really really good and stuff and I'm still too lazy to bother to do a lot of things that bloggers are "supposed" to do, but whatever. As fellow members of the international travelers' club, we formed a bond that I still look back on fondly.

Linda wrote a blog post a few weeks ago about 10 awesome female bloggers. As I was reading it one day during my lunch break at work, I found my name on the list, and I was quite touched. She then wrote me a message saying that she hoped I would continue blogging as she'd missed reading my updates since I stopped. Although I still struggled with silencing my fears, I felt like I owed it to her to keep writing. If nothing else, I had to at least answer the questions she'd put out on that post, being that I was so honored to have made her list at all!

So that's what I'm doing today, answering her ten questions about traveling and hoping doing so will help to quiet that jerk of a voice in the back of my head. Perhaps her little prod may end up being to blame for starting me blogging regularly again! As they say at Hogwarts, "Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus," never tickle a sleeping dragon. ;-)

So without further ado, Linda's travel questions and my answers.

Questions: 

1. Why do you travel?

I travel because I can't think of anything else I would rather do. Because the world is so big and interesting, because I love to learn about anything and everything, and because I have a ridiculously long list of places I haven't seen yet (not with these eyes). It's a yearning, it's a passion, and it's the only thing I ever think of when I get asked "What would you do if you won a million dollars?"

Nothing makes me feel more alive than experiencing new parts of the world!

2. Suitcase or backpack? 

When I move abroad to live for a year or longer, I usually take one of each. But once I get there, for all my trips I take a Patagonia 30L backpack, which I am quite talented at stuffing to the brims and still getting on Ryanair flights for free.

3. What luxury item do you take with you? 

I'm a pretty bare-bones traveler, especially because the majority of my trips are of a duration of two months or less before I check in at my home base (wherever in the world that may be at the time). I can't fit a lot besides basic clothes and toiletries in my tiny backpack, but the one "unnecessary" (except to my mental health) item I always have is my daily journal. I go nowhere without that. Quite often, I also have a paperback book to read when my phone's battery is dead, and I have, on occasion, backpacked with my laptop (although that brings the weight of my poor little backpack WAY up).

4. Who do you like to travel with? 

This is actually a really hard question. Without a doubt, the people I have traveled the MOST with are my parents, but, with no offense meant to them, the way I travel with them is rather different from how I travel on my own. There are a lot of improvements, of course, but I also miss out on some more "funky" things I would do if all by myself. Actually, probably the majority of my travels at this point have been totally solo, but while that can be really amazing, it can be really lonely too, especially for someone as shy as me. I've had some really good trips with different friends, but I'd say I'm still looking for that perfect travel partner. In a perfect world, I suppose it would be whoever I end up marrying someday!

Again, not at all to diss traveling with my parents...we had a blast in Estonia this past summer!

5. What’s great about your hometown? 

It's kind of funny to be asked this question, since right now I'm actually living back in my hometown for the first time since I was 18. I have lots of memories here, but I'm currently struggling to figure out what it might have to offer someone in their mid-twenties who's traveled the world and come back again. There are a few new interesting places that have opened up since I left, including some craft breweries, and even when I was younger I loved visiting the local Japanese gardens.

6. Do you ever feel tired of traveling? 

Absolutely. I've learned that I'm not really cut out for long-term travel because after a certain point in long trips I get tired of packing up my things and changing locations. I even start to feel like every destination looks the same! At these moments, all I want is a lazy day alone at home in my pajamas watching movies on my computer! There are ways to combat this travel ennui while on the road, of course, but it's also good to know how you travel best, and for me that's in shorter spurts.

7. What’s the most challenging thing about travel?

Probably how difficult it can be to accomplish even the simplest of tasks. Learning how things work in other places is part of the joy of travel too, but when you're already worn out from a full day of travel, just trying to find somewhere decent to eat can seem like a huge mountain to climb. And that's not to mention dealing with rude and intolerant people, language barriers, currency issues, strange opening hours, difficult-to-read train timetables, or immigration paperwork.

8. Tell me about a moment when you felt really happy. 

Hmmm....when I was backpacking around Morocco during Semana Santa 2013 with a group of Spanish friends, we ended up hiring a local guide to take us around Fez's medina, since it was almost impossible to navigate on our own and we were tired of being harassed by locals trying to sell us things. After doing a fantastic job all day long taking us to the most interesting places around town, he invited all four of us to his family home for dinner. That evening was one of the most enlightening experiences of my life, and I remember feeling so very lucky that a family who cooked all of their meals on a hot plate was generous enough to share what little they had with four people they had never seen before in their lives. We ate without utensils, we laughed, they taught us how to dance using mainly our shoulders, and I was so happy that I got to experience such a unique and special moment.

Delicious tea in our Moroccan guide's home

9. What have you only recently learned about travel or about yourself? 

I've said for a long time that I will eat literally anything, at least once. But I recently learned while in Mexico this summer that I just CANNOT do spicy breakfast. It seems like a weird thing, but I kept saying over and over to my Mexican friend "But does EVERY meal have to be spicy? Even BREAKFAST??" Nope nope nope. That early in the morning, I only want coffee with cereal, bread with butter and jam, pancakes, waffles, etc. No salt, and please god no habanero peppers.

10. Which travel destination would you love to go back to? 

You mean besides wanting to move back to Vigo? Well, there are so many places I'd like to see more of, even in countries I know well. The UK will always have more things for me to see (if you're tired of London you're tired of life, after all), there are so many places I'd still like to go in France, and there are even a few places left on my Spain wish list. I guess if I have to pick just one I'll say Iceland, because I feel like I was only there for a hot second, and the whole time I was limping and kind of miserable due to a misfortunate incident at the Blue Lagoon, so it kind of needs a do-over.

If only travel were as easy as hopping in a blue police box...

Looks like I still have a lot of places left to get to (or get back to)! So here's to hoping that, despite being back Stateside for now, there are more travel adventures in my future...as well as plenty of ganas to write about them! 

The Ghosts of Junes Past

Sometimes, in order to see where we're going, it helps to see where we've been. At least, that's what I believe. In my daily handwritten journal, I quite often take a moment to look back and see what exactly I was doing on this day a year ago, to observe what I was thinking about, to read about my worries and laugh at how much things have changed. 

Although I'm not going to share any of those exact journal entries with the whole wide internet (far too embarrassing), I thought I'd take a moment today to take you on a trip down my memory lane to where I was on this date years and years ago. 

I first left home at the ripe old age of 18, so that's where we'll start. 

2007

In mid-June 2007, I had just finished high school and was taking a trip out to Maine for orientation at my new university. I was the perfect picture of teenage angst, having just broken up with my high school boyfriend and feeling like I would never love again. I couldn't wait to be an adult, to kick the dust of the Midwest off my feet, and start all over in a new exciting place, but I was still incredibly annoyed that my mom wanted to take pictures of me in Acadia National Park.

Struggles: Not having a summer job, missing my ex-boyfriend

Fears: That I wouldn't like my new roommate, that my new classes would be too difficult, that I would feel homesick in a new place all alone

Hopes for the next year: That Maine would fill all my lofty expectations, that I would find amazing new friends, that I would finally feel grown-up and independent when I left home

2008

By the time June 2008 had rolled around, I had settled quite nicely into life in Maine...so much so that I almost considered not coming home for the summer! I thought I had made those amazing lifelong friends I'd always dreamed about, my classes the previous year had gone well, and my homesickness had mostly dissipated after the first few months there. Going back to the Midwest for the summer was a slight culture shock, but I made up for it by exploring places in my hometown that I'd never been before, seeing everything with new eyes.

Struggles: Readjusting to a summer of Midwestern life after being away for a year, trying to become close again with my high school friends, starting to learn Spanish

Fears: That my Mainer boyfriend would find someone else while I was away, that my friends in Maine would forget about me over the summer

Hopes for the next year: That I would continue to grow closer to my friends in Maine, that I would find a cool yet cheap place to study abroad in

2009

Summer 2009 found me living in Spain for the first time, glad to escape Maine for awhile after a huge blowout between my boyfriend and my best friend there. After much deliberation, I'd chosen to study in Bilbao. This was because it was close to France, which I thought meant that they would be similar culturally. I was very, very wrong. I was trying to get better at Spanish but having a really hard time. I wasn't alone in my struggles, however, as I learned to do new (also super difficult) things like surfing with my fellow American study abroad students.

Struggles: Not being able to express myself in Spanish AT ALL and constantly mixing it up with French, not immediately loving Spain and regretting not studying abroad in France like I'd wanted to

Fears: That I'd made a mistake in coming to Spain and that studying abroad wouldn't be the experience of a lifetime like I'd always dreamed

Hopes for the next year: To become fluent in Spanish and travel all around Europe

2010

In June 2010, I had been back in the States a few months. Even though I had mixed feelings towards Spain at the end of my time studying there, once I was back in Maine I missed being in Europe and traveling so badly it hurt. I was spending the summer working a retail job that I hated, which really brought me down since I wanted something more for myself. There were only a few bright spots in that otherwise depressing summer, which were watching Spain win the World Cup and finally exploring Portland, Maine. I even went to a cool gay pride festival! 

Struggles: Feeling inadequate because I was the only person I knew who didn't have a cool summer job in their chosen field of study, missing Europe and my life there

Fears: That I wouldn't be able to find a professor to advise the thesis I wanted to write on the translation of poetry, that I would get stuck working retail forever, that the majors I had chosen would make me unemployable

Hopes for the next year: To find a graduate program that would lead me towards a job that I would find more fulfilling than working in sales

2011

In summer 2011, I had just defended my thesis, graduated from university, and left Maine for good. I had forgotten all about going to graduate school. In the end, my desire to go back to Spain won out, and I had been accepted as an auxiliar de conversación in A Cañiza, Galicia. So I went back to Illinois and spent the summer with my family and old friends, waiting to leave. That was a little dull at times, but I did take a couple of cool trips, like one to the rolling hills of West Virginia! There, my sister, her husband, my nephew and I went ziplining with Ace Adventure Resort, which was--in a word--awesome. I loved swinging through the trees like George of the Jungle!

Struggles: Being single again for the first time in nearly four years, leaving behind all my friends in Maine, trying to gather together ridiculous amounts of paperwork for a Spanish visa

Fears: That I would hate Spain again, that I had forgotten all my Spanish, that teaching would be a nightmare

Hopes for the next year: To travel a lot more around Europe, to finally have Spanish friends

2012

After my second year in Spain, by June 2012 I was feeling very comfortable there. I had no desire to go home for the summer when I had the legal right to stay, so I took a position as an au pair in a suburb of Madrid. Before I left Galicia everyone told me I was going to asar (fry) in the capital, but I had no idea how much! The heat was unbearable. That coupled with being stuck in the suburbs was a bit difficult, but I was able to spend some time exploring Madrid and learning more about day-to-day Spanish family life. My Spanish also improved quite a bit!

Struggles: Feeling lonely because I knew no one my own age in Las Rozas, getting broken up with in Spanish via text message, dealing with the summer heat of Madrid

Fears: That I would never make close Spanish friends in Vigo, that my living situation would be as miserable as the year before

Hopes for the next year: To join a weekly Couchsurfing meeting and make friends there, to live with Spaniards, to become more integrated at my work in A Cañiza

2013

The summer of 2013 found me leaving Spain again, this time with a very heavy heart. I didn't want to leave behind the amazing life that I'd built for myself in Vigo, with fun activities, great friends, and some incredible Spanish and German roommates. But I also realized that opportunities to realize your life goals (like living in France) don't come around every day. I knew that if I didn't go to France, I would always regret it. So I reluctantly said my goodbyes and faced my destiny. But before heading back to sweet home Chicago to get my French visa, I got to go on an awesome Eurotrip with my parents to gorgeous places like Lake Bled, Slovenia! That made the pain of leaving Spain lessen ever so slightly, and I was glad.

Struggles: Saying goodbye to my wonderful friends and life in my favorite city in Spain (Vigo), packing two years' worth of possessions into one suitcase

Fears: That I would hate living in France and regret leaving Galicia, that my French was awful and no one would understand me

Hopes for the next year: To become fluent in French and have a year in France that would fulfill the fantasies I'd been having since I was 14

2014

At this time last year, I was doing some final little trips around Brittany (like to Brest) before leaving France. I had incredibly mixed feelings about leaving, as I'd had a real rollercoaster of a year. I didn't feel quite finished with France. It seemed like there was still more to learn, and definitely room for improvement with my French. But at the same time, Spain (like the jealous ex-boyfriend it is) wouldn't let go of its firm grasp on my heart. So I was going to be heading back to the States soon, a pitstop on the way to my fourth year in Spain. I was starting to feel super nervous about being a graduate student and was a bit uncertain whether teaching was actually for me. I'd just finished a year working at a really difficult school, and wasn't sure whether my struggles were a reflection of my inadequacies as a teacher or just the result of a hard situation. 

Struggles: Feeling sad over a relationship that was about to end, already missing the friends I had just said goodbye to, getting tired of changing countries just as I was beginning to feel comfortable

Fears: That it would be really difficult to get a Master's degree, that everyone else would know more about teaching than me, that I would hate living in Madrid

Hopes for the next year: To feel integrated and fulfilled in my new teaching job, that my Master's classes would be interesting and informative, that a graduate degree would make me more employable

2015 (The Present Day)

So here we are in mid-June 2015. I'm spending my time saying goodbye to all my favorite people and places in and around Madrid, because as far as I'm aware, I'm leaving Spain for good this time. Of course, I thought that two years ago, and six years ago as well, so one never knows. But that's the plan. I'm working on finding a big-girl teaching job without the title of "assistant" attached to it, in a place I can legally live for more than one year at a time. I've just finished my very last Master's class and I'm getting ready to graduate next week. Then I'll be off on (perhaps my final) big European Vacation with my parents! Getting ready to (I think) end my years in Spain is a big step for me, but my heart isn't quite so heavy at the thought of leaving this time. It feels like the right decision in order to further my teaching career and accomplish my life goals, so I'm going more or less without regrets. 

Struggles: Trying to plan a big vacation while also doing 2-3 interviews a week, saying goodbye to all my beloved little students

Fears: That my Master's degree will be very difficult to validate in the USA, that I'll never find a job because of my lack of American teaching certificate, that I'll really miss living in Spain and struggle a lot with culture shock wherever I end up

Hopes for the next year: To have a more permanent job working with the age group I prefer in a place I could see myself living happily for several years, to feel more stable in life, love, friendship, and everything else

So what have we learned from this exercise?

One, I should be incredibly wary of romantic relationships in summer. I have literally never broken up with anyone significant at any other time of year. Weird, huh?

But more importantly, the real value of seeing the things that haunted me in Junes past is noticing how insignificant they seem now. We humans sometimes get lost in the all-consuming concerns of the present. We forget that our worries of today are our silly anecdotes of tomorrow. 

It's hard to remember that the things I'm so worried about now will eventually resolve themselves. It seems impossible to imagine a world in which I have other things to think about. But looking at my past problems and knowing that everything worked out just fine makes it easier to know that the fears gnawing at my soul today will seem funny on this date in one year, five years, ten years. 

Does that mean I can forget about them now? No, of course not.

But maybe it will help me to feel just a little bit less scared of the unknown. And every time I feel a little less worried and afraid, it makes it easier to move forward. 

In the end, that's my biggest hope for all future years: to know that qué será será and to learn to embrace that with open arms. 

Photo Post: Graduation Goggles about Alcalá de Henares

As my time here in Alcalá de Henares draws to a close, I realize that I'm starting to get a case of graduation goggles. As explained by Robin in How I Met Your Mother, graduation goggles are when you begin to feel nostalgic as something is ending, even if you didn't really enjoy it that much in the first place. There couldn't be a more fitting description to how I feel about Alcalá right now. As much as I have felt stuck here during the past year, I'm starting to notice the little things about this town that I'm going to miss. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still incredibly excited to be getting out of here in less than 3(!) weeks. I can't wait to see my parents again and do some glorious traveling. 

But during the past few weeks, I've been walking around town saying to myself "Wow, that building where Christopher Columbus met King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella really is beautiful," or "I forgot how cool it is that I live in the town where both Cervantes and Catherine of Aragon were born!" 

So I've been taking pictures of these little things that I'm noticing all over again. I'm hoping to cement them in my memory so that I can think back fondly on my time in Alcalá, rather than remembering the bad moments. 

It may be quixotic of me to think so, but we will meet again one day, Don Quixote! 

(Forgive me, I just can't help myself from being punny)

Yes, this town is obsessed with Cervantes. I'd kind of forgotten how silly that seemed to me when I first arrived here!

A quick break in the beautiful university courtyard during a long Friday afternoon class. The fountains are soothing, and it's very easy to picture yourself being a student here hundreds of years ago. 

I'd also forgotten how impressive I initially found it that I'd be studying in the third-oldest university in Spain. But the buildings, once I stop to pay attention to them again, really are very impressive. I wish I'd been in this state of mind the day the King of Spain stopped by to give away the Cervantes prize...I might have actually made the effort to go down and check out the hubbub!

Here's the building where Catherine of Aragon was born, and where Columbus was given the money to go "discover" America. I like to think that both things were announced from this very balcony...because I have an incredibly active imagination. 

The other day I discovered a random little art gallery tucked away next to one of my favorite restaurants. I saw this piece through the doorway, and couldn't help but go in to see it a little closer.

I often joke about how I'm living in the desert. The heat these past few weeks has been...not so fun. But graduation goggles make me appreciate the pretty color of the dead grass, and the fact that I don't need to worry about bringing a just-in-case sweater with me, ever. 

Alcalá's town square, where I can go to listen to random salsa music on a Saturday night and where I run into my little students every day of the week. This is arguably the most beautiful and representative place in town, and probably what I'll remember most once I'm gone!

Usually, graduation goggles aren't really a fun thing, as they obscure your vision and make you think things that aren't true. But I've actually been kind of enjoying wearing them these last few weeks. I'm seeing Alcalá once again through the eyes of a visitor and appreciating it all the more. It's actually been kind of fun! Who knows what other tiny cool details I'll notice before I leave; I'm excited to find out!